So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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