if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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