the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
