I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
