Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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