Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize