all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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