Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
