Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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