I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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