96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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