can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
