Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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