happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it glows. i had to have it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
