hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
