Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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