just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
