yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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