then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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