Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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