the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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