Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
