i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So. Much. Porn.
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