You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
