I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
