no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
