oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
