there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
