I can tuck mytits in my pants
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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