They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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