Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
