I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
high people should be assigned attendants
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
