all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There's even glitter on my cock...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
