I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
