i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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