someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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