Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
