for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
