I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
