my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
