I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
