So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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