a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
don't judge my taste in strippers
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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