Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
