I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize