jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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