Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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