I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
