i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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