If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
