Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You ruined the universe
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
