I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
