Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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