I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found puke in my bra..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
