So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
