so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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