Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this boner is exhausting
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
