Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
