I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
