just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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