Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
