Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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