I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
