Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She told me I should be a condom model.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
