And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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