just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
