I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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