it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
