Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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