remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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