3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need water and some morals
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize