I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
