I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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