one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
