I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Don't make out with my wife yet
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
