Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
