i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize