EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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