Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
