in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wow bdsm is so cute
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
