I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
