who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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