Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
