well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
