Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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