i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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