i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
