I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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